breakingvases

Three Messages for Breaking Vases

Tue, 27 Feb 2018 16:01:33 GMT

As I was writing Breaking Vases and reflect on my life, three main messages kept coming up.

When We Smash One Vase, Another One Will Appear

Why does this happen? Sometimes the limitations we’ve discovered are part of a vase even bigger than the first one we shattered, but that’s okay. This is part of our journey in life. When I got the courage to smash my very first vase, it resulted in me leaving an unhealthy and toxic relationship. Just a year later, I found myself having to smash another vase. Consequently, that vase was the fear of ridding myself of a job that I felt unappreciated and stuck in. And thus it continued, as it will always continue, but the perseverance is rewarding; because the more we smash vases, the more confident, capable, and stronger we become.

The More We Smash Vases, The Stronger We Become

Initially, there was a lot of doubt, regret, and worry of survival. But, as we begin to shatter the second, third, and fourth vases, we come to expect and know that things will work out in the end. This helps us to trust in ourselves more, and trust in the higher power that is guiding us in our journey.

Limiting beliefs don't just go away when a vase is smashed. It is not realistic for me to expect that I wake up every day and say, “Today I'm not going to have any negative thoughts about my life.” Even if I’m successful on day one, those thoughts may creep into my psyche the very next day. Limitations are like weeds that need a good pruning. We must be diligent, and keep up with our maintenance. The more limitations we shatter, the more we will realize how amazing life is when these limitations are not there. Since we become acclimated to that wonderful feeling, we eventually get to a point when we automatically know that it's time to take a pair of shears to the infernal weeds once again.

Believe in yourself; take tangible actions, and continue to move forward towards your dream, even if it's hard. It doesn’t make life perfect, but it makes it worth living.

No More Perfection

The quest for perfection is taking our lives away from us, especially women. We aspire to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect employee, the perfect everything. It's so exhausting. There's no perfect, and who really defines perfection anyway?

Just the other day, I had a coaching session with my client, Kathy. She mentioned that she and her husband were building a new home. She admitted she's been having many arguments with him, because he wants the home to be done while she wants to take time to make it the perfect house. I explained to her, “What is perfect today may be different than what’s perfect in five years or 10 years. So, in 10 years, what exactly does perfect mean to you?”

It was then she realized her perception of what perfection really is would always change. It's astounding how often we use the word 'perfect'. We need to enjoy life, and we need to consider being okay with 80% perfection. Can you imagine how much more time you'll have in your life when not pressured to achieve the other 20%? The shattering of the "perfect" vase my grandmother spoke of helped me to illuminate life's amazing imperfections and helped me appreciate the beauty in the cracks. We need to smash that vase, so we can finally have a life and just breathe.

From my coaching work and my own story , I learn daily, over and over, the importance of breaking our vases. We must free ourselves from our internal and external limitations in order to have a chance of a meaningful, healthy, and happy life. Shattering these limiting vases is part of our purpose in life in order to create a better life for ourselves and for the next generation.

The Ripple Effect of Breaking Vases

Tue, 27 Feb 2018 15:58:58 GMT

The most impactful effect of breaking a vase is that it inspires others to do the same. When I broke my first vase, it had a profoundly positive affect on the women in my family. For the first time, they dared to discover their voice and began questioning their external and internal limitations. My broken vase resulted in both my mom and sister shattering their own. The women I held closest to my heart began a new cycle and we shattered the generational curse of misogynistic abuse and mistreatment.

In late 2015, my nephew Alex came for a visit. Being only three-years-old at the time, he ran into my home and immediately scampered off to explore its hidden treasures. Being that this was his first time there, he stopped to look at a ball filled with pieces of breakaway plastic glass I used in my TEDx talk . He stared inquisitively, no doubt mesmerized by the glittering pieces. With the innocence of what could only be found in a child, he asked me, “What is this?”

I froze and I felt that time had stopped. This simple question could uncover so many hidden truths. I thought to myself, "Should I tell him that your auntie likes to collect broken glass? Or, because of this broken glass, you are here today. Because of these shards, you have a better life? These powerful shards represent so much; your mom is free; your grandmother is free, and your aunt is free. We shattered the old generational cycle of abuse and created a whole new story of fulfillment and happiness." One day I will tell him the vase story, and give him his own vase to shatter.

The cost for my own life, had I not confronted these limiting beliefs , would have been depression. I've lived all my childhood life seeing women around me depressed and on medication whilst suffering from multiple nervous breakdowns. I would've had a life I did not belong in, but that’s not the highest cost. If I failed to confront these limitations, I would not have been able to fill anybody else’s glass with joy, because there would be none of myself to give. I would have given birth to daughters and taught them about the vase just as my grandmother taught me. I would have expected them to live the life of misery I had to live early in my life. I would've made more people miserable by pretending to be happy and satisfied with my life. And, because I cashed out of that life of desolation, the ripple effect happened.

As easy as it is to spread hope and inspiration, it’s just as easy to negatively affect people and pass on more limiting beliefs to the next generation, a fact we should always reflect upon. Any time we believe in ourselves and every action, we take a courage action. We're not just doing it for us; we are doing it for everybody around us. We’re doing it for the future generation in order to help them lead a life that otherwise would not have been possible.

Think of how, by breaking your vase , you could become a catalyst for hundreds more vases to shatter and how those hundreds of vases could cause thousands more to smash as well. You have the power to be an agent for change in every life you touch.

Keep breaking vases.

Books to Read & Recommend: Breaking Vases [INFOGRAPHIC]

Thu, 15 Feb 2018 18:35:28 GMT

Writing Breaking Vases was the most painstakingly passionate undertaking of my career. It required countless hours of writing, editing, and design, and it pulled upon every life experience I have ever had. From my upbringing in Jordan to rising through the ranks of IBM to leaving it all to follow my dreams, Breaking Vases explores all of the most intimate and formative moments in my life and the lessons that they have imparted to me.

Putting this memoir in front of the eyes of the public has been akin to allowing others to sort through my most private journal entries, and the overwhelmingly positive response has been greater than I could have imagined. To date, Breaking Vases has earned its place on 9 best-seller lists and is connecting with readers around the globe! Praise for the memoir has poured in from readers of widely varied backgrounds and careers, and I am thrilled that so many have been able to connect to my personal story of perseverance!

I hope that you will continue to enjoy Breaking Vases and that you will encourage other readers to do the same. If you have already read your copy, please take a moment to review the book on Amazon , and recommend it to others. Book clubs, in particular, are finding the story and the many lessons within the memoir are ideal for group discussion. If you are a member of a book club that could benefit from reading Breaking Vases , recommend it for your next reading, and as a thank you for your continued support, I would be thrilled to join your final meeting either in person or virtually! Simply click the image above to inquire about additional details.

Happy Reading!

The meaning of the Vase:

The vase is a symbol of the limitations that are culturally or personally set on us that prevent us from achieving our goals or simply being ourselves. These limitations could be exterior such as cultural standards or a toxic relationship holding us back; or interior limitations such as a lack of confidence and self-worth. Shattering our vases means taking steps to rid ourselves of these unhealthy expectations and ways of living so that we may realize the life we were born to live and expand our potential.